Back to My School

Never Say Never!  I am learning to keep that phrase close and it seems as I get older, I am holding it closer and closer to my heart.  Life isn't so black and white and God's path for us sometimes takes an unexpected and often unplanned path.  I mean, that is how I became a country girl.  I have learned, especially over the last year, to try and roll with things.  Embrace the change, try not to have life figured and planned out, but deal with the now and hope for a less than crazy future.

I say all this because we have made yet another really big change in our lives.  Last weekend, I was at Walmart buying school supplies for Emily.  This is the time of year when they are the cheapest, so I have been trained to shop and stock up.  What makes this year so different is that I didn't have a class list of items to get.  I had no guide or direction, nothing telling me how many boxes of Kleenex, what brand and number of pencils to buy and how many folders to get.  You see, this year, I am the teacher and our school is home. Emily will be starting 2nd grade on August 18th at the Hinkle House and her mom, Leigh Hinkle, will be her teacher.

So I started this blog by saying, "never say never." I did that because I never would have imagined that I would be homeschooling my child.  I grew up in public school, loved it and the education was good enough for me and my husband.  Emily has had a good experience in the two different public schools that she has attended. But, what we are learning, is the schools of our day are very different than the schools of today. These are not OUR public schools.  I have spent hours in the classroom with my daughter and her peers so I felt fairly knowledgeable when making the decision of where she should be educated.  The school days are long and filled with tests after test.  Recess is no more than 15 or 20 minutes, lunch is 15 minutes and the rest of the day is filled with work.  Some schools are lucky that they have Specials (art and music).  But those are going by the wayside.  Everyone is taught the same way and if you are a high or low performer, there are very few resources to assist in your education.

Emily is very bright and I could tell that she was being held back.  Her teacher was amazing at trying to provide additional opportunities for her but with 26 students, the resources just aren't there.  I tried to be fine with that but my heart and gut told me that we could do so much more for her.  I prayed about it, I prayed so hard, and God answered.  Has been for over a year.  All he simply said, "was bring her home."  I ignored him.  That wasn't the answer I wanted.  I remember thinking and am still battling with this, "I can't home school her.  I am not smart enough.  I don't have the resources.  Home school people are weird.  My kid will be weird.  What about her friends?  Will she ever make friends?  What will I do with the two boys?  What about my own personal time?"  So many, many, many questions, and very few answers to them.

That has been hard for me and for the people around me.  I get the above questions all the time and my answer to most of them is simply, "I DON'T KNOW."  Not an acceptable answer in today's world, but I truly don't know what will happen.  What I do know is that I am willing to try.  I am brave enough to take the plunge and be solely responsible for my child's education and to make sure she is staying on track.  There is a chance I could fail, but what if...what if we succeed.  What if I can inspire and open her eyes to a new world around her.  What if I can focus on her gifts, talents and interests and fuel a passion for learning and exploring.

In the spring of next year, we will be moving to the farm and an entire new world will be ours for the daily taking.  Why wouldn't I try and give my daughter the opportunity to explore and learn about the world around her?

We moved here for family and for a simpler, more focused life.  Homeschool was not suppose to be apart of that but somehow it totally makes sense.  We, Tony and I, have chosen to strip down education and build it back up based on what we see as important and necessary for our children to be happy, healthy, positive contributing members of society.  I have been nervous, scared and overwhelmed but with Emily getting ready to start just around the corner, a new feeling has come over me.  Peace and excitement!

I have no idea what will happen but I do know that it will be unpredictable and an adventure.  If it doesn't work, Emily can go back to public school.  But, what if, what if, we succeed.

Pickin' and Strippin'

I have to say that pickin' my own berries has become one of my favorite spring and summer activities.  To see where they come from and to hold those beautiful berries in your hand is pretty cool.  What I enjoy more though is watching the joy on my kiddos' faces when they pick a berry and eat it, letting the juice just run freely down their face.  Priceless!  We are so blessed to have several places where we can pick our own berries and let me tell you that the Hinkle family took FULL advantage of it.

The strawberry season was very short here because of the cold winter and wet spring.  The Hinkle house was very sad about this because we love strawberries and picked some amazing ones last year.  In true Hinkle fashion, we made do and I believe still fully enjoyed all that the red goodness had to offer...well at least Harrison did.  This was the first year that the boys really "helped" and "picked strawberries".  Mac followed me around and held the bucket.  Harrison happily ate the berries that we picked and put in the bucket.  I really should have weighed him before and then after we picked to be fair to Blann Berries.

Just when I was getting depressed about the number berries left to bake with, blueberry season started.  Boy oh boy do we have blueberries.  So, evidently blueberries and raspberries love cold and wet weather.  We so enjoyed spending time picking with Mamaw, Papaw and Aunt Tammy. The crop was great and I learned that I have a new love.  BLACK RASPBERRIES!  To say that I might be obsessed is an understatement. I ate an entire pint by myself in one sitting.  Yummy!

 

So my father-in-laws face is just priceless in this picture.  He LOVES to pick blueberries and to see the pure joy and simple, sweet happiness just makes my heart so full.

Now, I probably got your attention with the second word in the title of this blog, Strippin'.  Now that we are country, we really like to do country things.  Dirt, water and creeks are a big favorite among the Hinkle kiddos.  Jerry, my father-in-law, had parts of a field drainage ditch redug last month so we decided that we needed to explore and check out the work.  What I learned is that Mac has no interest in wet sand touching his toes.  He would have no part of it and was quite content playing in the sand with his trucks.  Emily and Harrison on the other hand loved it.  They ran, splashed and tried to catch dragonflies.  Harrison, I do believe, would have stayed in the water all day if I would have let him.  Poor boy got so dirty and wet that the only solution was to strip him down.  I tell people that that boy was born country.  Loves to be barefoot, outside in the dirt and with as little clothing on as possible. Love my little country boy!

Loves his trucks and the sand

Pretty country girl

Just a typical day in Harrison's world

Winning doesn't always mean you are a winner

You can learn a lot about a person by how they act at their children's sporting event.  I shouldn't be surprised at this point at what some parents will do to win or be the best (I mean, to ensure that their child is the best). Now we just got home from one of Em's softball games so I am writing with lots of emotion running through me which could be a good or a bad thing.

So this year, Emily decided she wanted to play softball instead of baseball (didn't like being one of only two girls on a team).  We thought what the heck.  Even though we have been in Vincennes for a year, we really are still new at making friends.  Emily didn't have a group of girls that she has played with so we went into softball knowing that we would probably be drafted to a team where she knew very few if any girls.  Oh, and yes, I said drafted.  She plays with 7 and 8 year old girls doing machine pitch.  There is a draft that occurs at the beginning of the season where each coach can choose their players.  The purpose of the draft is to make sure that the teams are as even as possible.  However, from what I have been told, if you sponsor a team, that doesn't really apply so you can just stack your team.  Seems fair right?  Makes sense...

We were blessed to be drafted onto a team of girls with hearts the size of Texas and coaches who put the girls and learning the fundamentals of the game ahead of winning.  God knew where we should be.  Now, if you followed my blog from the beginning, you know that Em played for the Little Red Fur Shed last year. Pettit Photography is not nearly as cool of a name but the quality of the kids, parents and coaches is equal.   Everyone on Emily's team except for her and one other girl go to the same school.  I was nervous, but the kids and parents have been so kind and inviting.  Em fits right in and is playing with such confidence.

Last year, she only got two hits off the pitching machine.  This year, she has had a hit almost every time she bats.  What a difference a year makes, not to mention a bigger ball that is bright yellow!  She was so funny when she started playing softball because she kept saying to me how much easier and better it was to hit a bigger, yellow ball.  She has some challenges with her vision so a small, white ball was very difficult for her to see and to be able to judge how to hit.

Her coaches have worked tirelessly at teaching the girls the basics of softball.  They have never stopped coaching and teaching and I love it.  I mean these girls are only 7 and 8.

Now, let me be clear, I am an extremely competitive person.   I love to win but what I have learned over the years is that it is more important to DO your best than BE the best.  You give me your best, that is all I can ask.

God love the Pettit Photography team.  If you look at our record so far, you might shake your head.  We have played all but one team and have not won a game.  Sometimes we get close and other times we are just one hot mess.  You know what though, it is ok.  I love that our coaches rotate players in the field.  I love that our kids cheer for their teammates.  I even love seeing the sweet girls playing in the dirt, singing and dancing in the field or picking flowers because they remind me that it is just a game and for right now, at this time, that is ok.

So it is hard for me to see coaches already teaching girls poor sportsmanship through actions of their own or how to bend the rules in the game.  It is not ok to make fun of other players.  It is not ok to keep your star players in the same position on the field, never rotating them, and shutting a team out 12 - 0.  I know, I know, if you can't take the heat, then get out of softball.  I get it.  It is just hard to watch such tough life lessons being taught at such a young age.  It is hard to explain to your child who is physically and emotionally upset why the other team felt the need to completely shut them out and then rub it in their face. You might argue that if Emily was on the number one team that I wouldn't feel this way.  Yes, yes, yes I would.  The lessons are there, no matter which side you are on.

Now tonight was not a shut out.  The score was 15 - 8, I believe (we were the 8).  Some would say that we lost.  I would like to argue that we didn't.  We have never scored 8 runs before.  We had several girls on our team who not only hit for the first time but got on base and scored.  The face on a child when they make it all the way around and score is just priceless.  The girls cheered and smiled and had fun and the parents loved it.

Everyone loves to be on a winning team.  We all want to feel like winners.  I am learning quickly that just because you win a game, doesn't always make you a winner.  It is truly how you play the game that America loves so much that determines whether you win or lose, not necessarily the score.

Where did May go?

May was such a busy month for us.  I had hoped to share more about our month with y'all but somehow time got away from me and June is here.  The guys began planting and things were looking really good until the spring rains hit.  We were blessed to get a few 100 acres planted but it looks like the guys will be planting and replanting most of June like they did last year.  You can't argue or fight mother nature.  You just have to embrace what is given to you and pray that your equipment is ready to go and that all the conditions will be right for a good growing season once the ground is ready.  Only time will tell but I keep praying that they won't have to go into July.  I have had my farmer home more which has been so nice but I know that means that fields aren't being tended too.  I can't believe I am praying for this but I do hope for a few weeks of early mornings and late nights soon for Tony and the other farmers.

School is done and the kids and I are enjoying the good weather and taking advantage of so many fun activities outdoors.  We are all much happier outside.  Most of our days are spent at the park, in the backyard or out at the farm.  It is amazing just how entertaining and fun gravel, trees and dirt can be.  Oh, we also love grain bins, bugs, farm and construction equipment and plain old swings.  I could go on, but I think the pictures say much more.

Homemade fudgesicles

So proud of the bluegill that she caught fishing with her dad

Throwing rocks in the creek at Oubache Trails park

Watermelon fields

Strawberry grazing.  Harrison ate more strawberries than he picked.

Daddy and Mac on top of the grain bin at Hinkle Farms

The view from on top over God's land.

Driving with Uncle Trent

Getting up and "driving" a tractor never gets old at the farm.

Dirt, who needs dirt when you can scoop up corn.

What I realize...

Last picture taken at Sassafras Court

One year, yes, I have been a city girl living the small town life for a year (well almost).  This time last year, I was packing up odds and ends, preparing my daughter for her last day of kindergarten, saying goodbyes and trying to embrace a new reality that I new little about.  I remember being so strong and put together on the outside (my brave front I like to call it).  Inside, I was one hot mess and I remember praying that I didn't want to fall apart in front of the world.  "Lord, let it be in the privacy of my own home where no one could see what a mess I really was." Well, I was close.  As the moving truck that was too small to fit all of our material items pulled away, I remember looking at Tony and in that ugly crying voice saying, "what are we going to do.  Not everything here will fit in our cars." And then I just rambled on and on and cried so hard that I about passed out.  The reality was that I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.  I didn't care about the stuff but it was what it represented.  My life was laying out, strewn across my front yard.  I created a wonderful career, started my family, had made wonderful friends...my life was wonderful and perfect and I was packing it up and putting it away to start all over.

Transitioning for me was hard, much harder than I ever thought it would.  The summer was long and lonely. I wasn't really living up to the storybook image of a farmer's wife.  I couldn't get it together to save my life. Boxes remained unpacked, meals unprepared, and living in the moment took on a totally new meaning for me.  Moments were all I could live for because if I looked at tomorrow, there was a good chance that that ugly cry would come back.  That mess of a girl who stood in the driveway was still there, fumbling her way through small  town southern Indiana.  I was stuck in a storm and I remember praying to God, please, "can I just see a rainbow or I would even just take a break.  I need something God because I am doubting why we are here.  What have I done?"

But you see, my kids were happy, so happy.  The joy on their faces of being out at the farm and spending time with family was amazing.

I have never seen Tony so happy and at peace in my life.  He was where he was suppose to be doing what God had intended him to do.  The only person with the problem was me and I needed to get over myself and dig in to this wonderful community.

So I did.  I joined MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and we found a wonderful church that has embraced all of us.  I found a routine with the kids and began meeting other moms. I explored our community and learned how many hidden treasures and gifts a small town can offer.

And here is what I realized...

1. Home is where you make it.  When you put God first and live for your family, then the rest of the world seems to fall into place.  The journey is scary but it will work out.
2. Rural King rocks! - I love just going in there and walking around with my free popcorn.  It has become my Target.  
3. Simpler IS better - when you take out the noise, distractions and all the bell and whistles, what you are left with is people.  I LOVE my family and I love that we have everyone over for game night.  I love sitting on my front porch rocking, watching the world go by.  I love spending hours at Gregg Park watching my boys play in the pea gravel and Emily conquering the monkey bars.  
4. I know people - yes, I know people in town now and  just about everywhere I go, I see a familiar face.  I stop and say hi.  I don't rush, I listen and it makes my heart sing.  I am not always thinking about my next "to do" item but just enjoying that moment.
5. I now know the names of more machinery and farm equipment than any women should ever know and I love how excited my kids get still seeing tractors, combines, and dump trucks.
6. My life is good.  I am happy and falling in love with this small town and the people who make up this special place.

It is hard to believe that a year has gone by.  What a big year it was?!  The funny thing is that I think next year will be even bigger.  Our beef business is growing, Tony is settling into his role as farmer, we are building our house and I am taking on some new roles both at home and in my community.  I can only imagine the stories that I will get to tell as we continue on this wonderful, crazy, unpredictable road known as my life story. I CAN guarantee that there will be dirt, farm equipment, crazy boys and silly girls involved.

And so it begins

Tony discing the soil back in the 80's.

Planting season is officially underway.  The tractors have been dusted off, planters cleaned up and repaired and off to the fields the guys go.  Well, if it was only that simple.  The guys were able to get about 80 of the almost 1000 acres planted a week and half ago before the rains set in.  I guess some is better than none, right?  It seems like that is how farming goes.  Weather mans says it is going to be nice, no rain for 5 days and the farmers hurry up and plant only to be interrupted by mother nature.  Our family farms mostly river bottoms that butt up to the White and Patoka rivers.  Spring rains often delay planting for us while we wait for the soil to dry up enough to get the tractors out to plant.  It is this fascinating game of red light/green light. I just pray that it is mostly a game of green light.  If you are planting corn, it really needs to be in the ground no later than the first week of June so that it will have time to grow and produce a good yield.  Beans (soy) can be planted as late as the first week of July or so and still provide a good crop.

Planting the Neil Place with corn this year.

The guys spend hours working on equipment making sure that it is ready when the weather and soil conditions are right.  I have learned that very little of their time is spent "farming."  Most of it is spent on fixing things that broke on their own or fixing things the guys broke doing something they maybe shouldn't have been doing with the piece of equipment. Hee!  Hee!

I was just thinking what a difference a year makes in our lives.  Part of me feels less anxious about the farming season because we are settled in Vincennes and have made great friends to keep us company during the long farm days.  Then there is part of me that is even more stressed and anxious because we will be building a house during this process and will be depending primarily on the income from this crop season for our family over the next year.  Less is more and that is what I have to continue to remind myself.  I know that God gives us everything we need.  When my feet hit the ground in morning, I have to remember that I have all that I need because I have Him who gives me strength to be the wife, mom, friend, sister and daughter that I need to be that day.

My season

Warmer days are coming and with that the tulip, pear and dogwood trees are in bloom.  Daffodils are popping up and my head is about it explode.  Spring is definitely here.  I didn't realize just how OVER winter I was until I was out walking through our neighborhood with our boys feeling happy and relaxed.  I have come to realize that God did not make boys to stay inside for more than a couple of hours.  The last month has been brutal here in Indiana and spring could not have come at a better time.  I was beginning to fear for the safety of my children and the sanity of me and Tony.

I don't think I have truly appreciated spring as much as I have this year.  Being in the "south", I see so much more blooming and earlier too.  I think also because I am walking around our neighborhood two, sometimes three times a day with two little explorers.  They find as much joy in dirt as they do in the daffodils.  I am finding myself oohing and aahhing over the grossest discoveries (centipedes and worms).  I am a mom of boys. Of course, last year at this time, Tony was gone farming and I was left in Indianapolis by myself to pack up a house, finish school and close a very important chapter in our lives.

As I reflect on winter, I realize that I have been hibernating and "hunkered down" longer than just the last 6 months.  For almost 3 years, I have been operating with blinders, only able to focus on what is in front of me and for many days, that was just too much.  When we learned that we were pregnant with twins, I immediately took a step back from commitments and focused on taking care of me and my family.  Once the twins came, I focused on surviving.  Now that may sound terrible, but that is what we did the first year of their life.  I sadly don't remember much because I was constantly taking care of someone.  I remember being grateful and feeling blessed while at the same time exhausted and lonely.  Gone were the days of heading out to the zoo or a playdate.  Lunch or dinner with friends was few and very, very far between.  Volunteering was nonexistent unless it was at Em's school.  After taking care of my family, I had nothing left.  When asked to help or do anything, NO had become my answer.  I did not have the capacity to do anything else other than what was right in front of me.  This has been hard and very humbling for a woman who prided herself on multitasking and the ability to organize and get anything accomplished that she put her mind too.  Most days, I was lucky to get meals made and diapers changed and if it was a really, really good day, I got a shower.

I would like to think that much of that has changed over the past year, but it hasn't.  When we made the decision to move, I did what I had to do to get our home and my family ready.  My harsh reality was that I neglected friendships and other obligations because I just didn't have the emotional and physical energy to invest.  That makes me sad because I thought of and still do think of my friends and family daily but reaching out and making that connection just was too much for some reason.  Once we moved to Vincennes, I focused on making sure that my kids were settled, that I was supporting my husband farming and making our house a home.  At the end of the day, I had nothing.  What I mean by nothing is nothing left in me.  My tank was empty.  I was grateful the day was over so that I could hopeful get enough rest to start all over the next day.  I was existing with a smile on my face and a "can do" attitude but I was still just existing.  Existing is so not the way to live though.  After surviving cancer, I promised myself that I would not waste a single day but cherish, embrace and be thankful for what God has given me.

Now, I know that I did not "waste" those days.  My expectations for myself are always ridiculously high.  I thought my life wouldn't change when we had the twins and moved.  The reality is that it did and it should have changed.  How could it not?  And my life has changed for the better.  My life is fuller and I am more content now that I ever have been.  This is just a small season in my life where I have small people who need me to be there 24/7.  It will pass and I will be able to say "yes" again.  Many say that I will miss this season so that I should embrace it.  To you, I say "yes, there are maybe 5 things that I will miss" but the dirty diapers, food throwing, sleepless nights, and the inability to go anywhere will not be missed.  Sorry, I am just being honest.

As spring begins, I feel a renewed since of  hope and energy about our lives and feel ready to say YES to the world around me.  I mean, only maybe one or two yeses.  I am not super woman.  I am just an average woman, wife and mom who is a child of God doing the best she can every day.  I embrace more moments than wish them away and truly love the little "specials" that my kids give me (kisses, hugs, boogers and worms).  I smile and laugh more than I cry and you better believe that this city girl puts on her boots and heads outside as much as she can to take in the spring air and beauty of what is around her.  I mean, you never know what tomorrow may hold so you better put on those boots and "get after it" (had to quote this amazing woman and author, Jennie Allen, from her new book, Restless).


I challenge you to do the same.