My season

Warmer days are coming and with that the tulip, pear and dogwood trees are in bloom.  Daffodils are popping up and my head is about it explode.  Spring is definitely here.  I didn't realize just how OVER winter I was until I was out walking through our neighborhood with our boys feeling happy and relaxed.  I have come to realize that God did not make boys to stay inside for more than a couple of hours.  The last month has been brutal here in Indiana and spring could not have come at a better time.  I was beginning to fear for the safety of my children and the sanity of me and Tony.

I don't think I have truly appreciated spring as much as I have this year.  Being in the "south", I see so much more blooming and earlier too.  I think also because I am walking around our neighborhood two, sometimes three times a day with two little explorers.  They find as much joy in dirt as they do in the daffodils.  I am finding myself oohing and aahhing over the grossest discoveries (centipedes and worms).  I am a mom of boys. Of course, last year at this time, Tony was gone farming and I was left in Indianapolis by myself to pack up a house, finish school and close a very important chapter in our lives.

As I reflect on winter, I realize that I have been hibernating and "hunkered down" longer than just the last 6 months.  For almost 3 years, I have been operating with blinders, only able to focus on what is in front of me and for many days, that was just too much.  When we learned that we were pregnant with twins, I immediately took a step back from commitments and focused on taking care of me and my family.  Once the twins came, I focused on surviving.  Now that may sound terrible, but that is what we did the first year of their life.  I sadly don't remember much because I was constantly taking care of someone.  I remember being grateful and feeling blessed while at the same time exhausted and lonely.  Gone were the days of heading out to the zoo or a playdate.  Lunch or dinner with friends was few and very, very far between.  Volunteering was nonexistent unless it was at Em's school.  After taking care of my family, I had nothing left.  When asked to help or do anything, NO had become my answer.  I did not have the capacity to do anything else other than what was right in front of me.  This has been hard and very humbling for a woman who prided herself on multitasking and the ability to organize and get anything accomplished that she put her mind too.  Most days, I was lucky to get meals made and diapers changed and if it was a really, really good day, I got a shower.

I would like to think that much of that has changed over the past year, but it hasn't.  When we made the decision to move, I did what I had to do to get our home and my family ready.  My harsh reality was that I neglected friendships and other obligations because I just didn't have the emotional and physical energy to invest.  That makes me sad because I thought of and still do think of my friends and family daily but reaching out and making that connection just was too much for some reason.  Once we moved to Vincennes, I focused on making sure that my kids were settled, that I was supporting my husband farming and making our house a home.  At the end of the day, I had nothing.  What I mean by nothing is nothing left in me.  My tank was empty.  I was grateful the day was over so that I could hopeful get enough rest to start all over the next day.  I was existing with a smile on my face and a "can do" attitude but I was still just existing.  Existing is so not the way to live though.  After surviving cancer, I promised myself that I would not waste a single day but cherish, embrace and be thankful for what God has given me.

Now, I know that I did not "waste" those days.  My expectations for myself are always ridiculously high.  I thought my life wouldn't change when we had the twins and moved.  The reality is that it did and it should have changed.  How could it not?  And my life has changed for the better.  My life is fuller and I am more content now that I ever have been.  This is just a small season in my life where I have small people who need me to be there 24/7.  It will pass and I will be able to say "yes" again.  Many say that I will miss this season so that I should embrace it.  To you, I say "yes, there are maybe 5 things that I will miss" but the dirty diapers, food throwing, sleepless nights, and the inability to go anywhere will not be missed.  Sorry, I am just being honest.

As spring begins, I feel a renewed since of  hope and energy about our lives and feel ready to say YES to the world around me.  I mean, only maybe one or two yeses.  I am not super woman.  I am just an average woman, wife and mom who is a child of God doing the best she can every day.  I embrace more moments than wish them away and truly love the little "specials" that my kids give me (kisses, hugs, boogers and worms).  I smile and laugh more than I cry and you better believe that this city girl puts on her boots and heads outside as much as she can to take in the spring air and beauty of what is around her.  I mean, you never know what tomorrow may hold so you better put on those boots and "get after it" (had to quote this amazing woman and author, Jennie Allen, from her new book, Restless).


I challenge you to do the same.

Aah Chickens!

Not going to lie.  Up to this point, chickens are my least favorite farm "animal." I find them to be loud, dirty and down right mean (ok, maybe that is the rooster).  I was dreading the day that we would have them enter our farming lives but knew that it was coming soon.  Exhibit A above.  50 sweet sounding, innocent baby chickens resting comfortably in our shed.  My brother-in-law had not planned on getting chickens so soon so his coop was not ready (when you can purchase them for 10 cents each, you jump on the chance to get those little chirping bundles of joy). They need heat and other "amenities" to survive this early stage.  Evidently Burnett Lane had all the amenities a one week old chick needed so they came to stay with us for a few days until Troy was set up and ready to go.

So, they were cute and sweet.  But what was truly sweet was the expression on my children's faces as they saw them and even held them.  I had just about forgotten the true joy one can experience when seeing one of God's creatures up close and personal.

Now, this city girl has never fed chickens.  I eat them and run from them but never fed them.  So, I was very proud of myself because I fed those little peepers.  I filled their water and put feed in the feeder, sometimes twice a day. I made sure that the temperature was right so they weren't too hot or too cold.  I morphed into this mama hen role rather quickly which I found quite shocking (remember, I DON'T like chickens).

So here is what I learned:

• I can do this.
• I actually found some joy and even a sense of purpose in feeding these little jewels. 
• They do poop alot!

and...drum roll please..

Once our home is built, I would like a hen house nearby so that me and the kids can have our own chickens to care for everyday.  Fresh eggs and meat and knowing where they come from is pretty empowering.  For Emily to say to her friends that we just go right out back to get our eggs and not the store would be pretty amazing.  

Oh, but I haven't changed my mind about roosters.  I will NOT be hugging a pet rooster anytime soon.

Just a paper

Farmer's wife and daughter tackling the big city.

It is hard to believe that we have been living in Vincennes for over 9 months.  I will say that in many ways it has flown by and then there are other instances where I feel like we have been here forever.  When Emily and I were back in Indianapolis this past weekend to drop off beef, it felt like we hadn't been back in years. So much seemed different, like we were truly visitors, no longer residents of that great city.  Without really realizing it, we had become more than just transplant residents in small town Indiana.  We had settled into a new life without realizing it.  Somehow, I had missed the fact that we were now home - a new home that will be ours for the rest of our lives.  When did this happen?!  Contentment snuck up on me in between ice storms and blizzards, changing diapers and helping with homework.  Stripping our lives down to what we need vs what we want uncovered what was really our truth.  That in the end, we need each other, our families, and God.  Everything else will fall into place where it should.

One of the simple pleasures that our family enjoys now is reading the paper.  Our dear Aunt Phoebe purchased a subscription for us a few weeks back.  I am embarrassed to say that we are just now enjoying the Vincennes Sun-Commercial.  We had talked about getting it for months (story of my life, say I am going to do something and things and life just get in the way).  I had no idea how much joy I would get from touching and turn a newspaper.  Family warned us that there isn't much to the paper but they are wrong. Treasures are hiding around every page turn.

Stories of local happenings and events, card "parties" for 50 year anniversaries, who is getting married, births, pictures of local sport teams and my ever favorite section of local arrests.  Note to self and my children:  you mess-up, everyone will know about it.  I love that I can read about the historical society championing the restoration of a building downtown or about our local high school's charge to win another state basketball championship.  To see Tony and Emily working on the crossword puzzle together is just precious.

Even the little boys like flipping through the ads.

We slow down, sit and just read.  We live in small town, middle America and the Vincennes Sun-Commercial shares that.  It isn't always exciting but I am learning that I like that. I have to say I have even had some proud moments seeing family names and pictures buried in the pages.  You gotta love the small town paper.

The Off Season

As I sit at home enjoying yet another snow day, I find myself thinking about the "off season" of farming.  You know, the time after harvest and before planting or the time that the farm sleeps and has quiet time as I like to explain to my children.  Hinkle Heritage Farms does not have an indoor facility where they can work on equipment over the winter which is what a lot of farmers will do.  Because of that, we are at the mercy of the weather.  As many of you are experiencing or reading about, this has been one heck of a winter.  So for us, farming life has been quiet.  Most of the farming that Tony has done this off season has been behind the scenes like planning orders for seed, fertilizer, nitrogen, etc. for upcoming season.  The guys have quite a bit of soybeans and corn in grain bins so they are constantly playing the game of "when do I haul my crop to the grain elevator to get the best price?"  The goal is to get top price and if you wait until the winter, you can usually get a better price than in the fall because supply is down and demand is up.  It has been interesting to watch them come up with a strategy and neat to see them planning for the future of the farm.

This off season, Tony has been working with Tower Bridge Technologies who provide corporate level IT services for small and middle size businesses (which is basically all of Vincennes and the surrounding area). What a great opportunity it has been for Tony to get out and work in the community plus make some additional income for our family.  I wish that farming could be our sole income but farming grain just doesn't cut it at this point.

I have been busy working with my brother-in-law, Troy, on our grassfed beef business, Hinkle Farms.  I never realized how much joy I would get from providing healthy, sustainable beef to friends and family.  Who knew I could get so excited over a cow!?  I am not going to lie, it is so nice to find something that I am passionate about again and that I can really get behind.  Our herd is small so we will build our business slowly but I am grateful for what we can and are able to do with our beef.

So we were out at the farm this past weekend and the kids and I enjoyed a day of firsts.  All 4 of us made our first summit of the new grain bin.  I wish I had a picture to share but it was amazing to climb up top and to look out over the land.  Even in the dead of winter, God's land looked beautiful.  I can't wait to start building our home and be apart of the farm permanently.

I am trying to enjoy and embrace this off season while we have it.  I love having Tony home by 5:30 everyday and on the weekends. Having lunch together has become a regular event.  I know that in just a few months all of that will change so we are trying to get in as many "family" meals and time with each other as possible.  I think that I might be one of the only people who are grateful for this weather because it has allowed our family to truly slow down and hibernate together.  Now don't get me wrong, any day that is above 45 degrees we are outside. But... it has been nice to just slow down and live in the day and the moment.

Who is this city girl gone country?

At the ripe young age of 38, I have had many different lives that have lead me to where I am today.  Instead of boring you with a bunch of unnecessary fluff (I am really good at fluff), I thought I would take you through a brief listed tour of my excitingly, awesome life (hardly).

I am third from the left.

Me, pregnant with the twins and Jennie, pregnant with her 

• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  

•  
• Born and raised in Dallas, TX.
• Was actually on track to become a ballerina but realized that God didn't quite create my body for that and decided to continue swimming competitively.
• Started on the local YMCA swim team at age 5 and may have secured a few state champion titles before the age of 14.
• I am the oldest of 3 children and blessed with 2 awesome brothers who put up with me.
• I graduated from Lake Highlands High School and was involved in just about every club possible.  I rocked multitasking and being over committed.
• I came to Indiana to go to college at Indiana University in Bloomington.  I LOVE college basketball and had followed the Hoosiers. Visited IU my junior year of high school and fell in love.  It was the only school I applied too so thank goodness I got in.
• I went potluck for my freshman year roommate and Jennie is still one of my best friends today.
• I pledged and am a member of Delta Gamma Fraternity which is where I made my best and dearest friends to date.
• I worked in advertising and marketing after graduating from college and can tell you just about where every Hardees restaurant is in Indiana and Illinois (worked on the Hardees fast food account).
• Was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin's disease at 23 and have been cancer free for almost 15 years.
• When you are diagnosed with cancer, it can be pretty life-changing and my experience was no different.  I left the for profit sector and became a fundraiser for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society with the Team In Training program.  During this time, I also pursed my Masters degree through IUPUI.
• I met my husband through Team In Training.  He was my cycle coach and I guess I flirted with him enough that he finally broke down and asked me out.  That was 12 years ago. He proposed to me after we completed the Chicago Triathlon. We will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary in March.

• I am afraid of flying.
• Buffets gross me out.
• I have three beautiful children that are true miracles.
• I love to run because it is the one time that I have to myself.  
• I don't get mad about much but when someone takes advantage of me or my family for whatever reason, you better look out.
• Family is EVERYTHING to me.
• I love coffee, green olives, Coca Cola and chocolate.
• I have always wanted to be a writer, a mom and drive a minivan.  
• I have many people in my life but just a handful of close friends.  I both love and adore people while I struggle with sharing who I am and letting my guard down.
• I believe that God has a road map for all of us and that we are here to be and do our best everyday.  Now, most days I fall completely short of that but I know God understands.

So, I am learning that I love the small town life and the people that make up this quiet town.  I am learning to be grateful for just the simple act of getting up in the morning and spending time with my kids and husband. I am learning to be kind to myself and grateful for the life that I have had which has led me to where I am today.  I am learning that I am grateful to be able to run all my errands in just one hour and that driving 25 mph is just fine.  I am learning that I find comfort in knowing that we go to church with our family doctor and several teachers at Em's school.

Life's gifts and treasures have always been around me but for years, I have been to busy to really stop to see and appreciate them.  This slower life that we have asked for has forced me to take a step back and realize what we have.  What I am slowly realizing is that country girl has so much, so, so much and as each day passes I am getting richer and richer.  Time...time...the greatest and richest treasure of all.

DIYing it

Since our plan and prayer is to build our own farmhouse in the Hinkle homestead, I am focusing on ways to cut costs and see how to best pinch pennies.  This is a challenge for me because I am not good with money. I find budgeting, recording, spending, saving in my personal life all confusing and overwhelming.  For many of you out there, you must be thinking "this girl has to be an idiot.  It is not rocket science."  I agree but for some reason this is a big weakness of mine and area where I struggle personally.  Now in the professional world, I was the cost cutting queen and could always stay on budget.  I know, makes absolutely no sense. I have a masters degree but struggling balancing a budget.  We all have things we have to work on, right?

I am currently OBSESSED with The Prairie Homestead website and Jill who is the blogger.  I CAN'T STOP READING IT.  http://www.theprairiehomestead.com/  I love that her focus is on simple, sustainable living and how we can all create our own little homestead no matter where we live.  Oh, if you could see the happy smile on my face as I write just thinking about the site.

So, I am not crafty.  I don't really like crafts.  I know, you are shocked right.  Tony will tell you that I am not detail-oriented but I am the queen of multitasking.  I guess they don't go hand in hand. At any point in time, you can walk into my home and see at least 4 projects going on at the same time.

While I am not crafty, I do love to create things.  I love to cook and bake and am slowly learning that I love making things from scratch.  Who is this crazy woman who use to bow down to Target because anything she could dream up, they made and therefor she would buy?

Well, we don't have a Target, Costco, Marshalls, or Trader Joe's so I have to get creative.  Praise God for Amazon.com.  A small town girl's best friend, I tell you.  I just ordered Castile soap (never heard of that stuff in my life) and glycerine (yeah, only knew of that word because of the song by the band, Bush, years ago).

What is a city girl going to do with these mysterious items?  Well, I am making hand soap, all purpose cleaner and body butter lotion.  I already make our own laundry detergent and am currently mastering a recipe for dishwasher detergent.  Next up, window cleaner.  Do you know how expensive and toxic current cleaners are for you?   So it is like a double bonus, I can save money and also make sure that the products in my home don't harm me or my family.

So my project for January is to stay focused on simple living, not being wasteful and being frugal. I will have to keep you posted on how that goes.  Pretty nervous about that!

In the meantime, here is the recipe that I use for our laundry detergent.  Enjoy!

Leigh's Laundry Detergent

One 55 oz box of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
One 4 lb box of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda
One 76 oz box of Borax
Two 400g bars of Zote Soap or Fels Naptha (what I use because I grew up on the stuff)
2.5 – 3 lbs of OxiClean (or any generic oxygen cleaner)
{I’ve used two 1.3 lb containers of OxiClean here but I think they make a 3 lb container as well and you can use that if you wish}

15-20 drops of an essential oil (love lavender or lemon)

You’ll also need a container to put the detergent in! This recipe makes 2 gallons of powder detergent so I would recommend a nice 2 gallon glass jar. I got this one from Walmart for only $9.97!

Directions

1. Set aside the Fels Naptha Soap and the baking soda

2. Pour the remaining ingredients (Super Washing Soda, Borax, and OxiClean) into the bucket

3. Cut the Fels Naptha Soap in half lengthwise so that it will fit through the feed tube of your food processor. {If you are using a box grater you may skip this step}

4. Using the shredding disc on your food processor, grate the Fels Naptha Soap and transfer the grated soap to a large bowl. {If you are using a box grater, use the smallest possible grate. You’ll want to get the Fels Naptha Soap as small as you can since you won’t be using a food processor to take it to a powder consistency.}

5. Change out the shredding blade in your food processor and put in the regular blade. Working in batches, place about two handfuls of the shredded soap into the processor along with about 1.5 cups of the baking soda (just eyeball it).

6. Pulse the soap and baking soda until it forms a powder. You can add the essential oils at this time too.The purpose of incorporating the baking soda in this step is to help prevent the Fels Naptha from clumping. The baking soda should coat the soap so that it doesn’t stick to itself. If the mixture still looks a bit clumpy just add more baking soda until it looks like a powder. {If you are using a box grater, I would just add the baking soda to the soap in the large mixing bowl and stir it up so that the shredded soap gets coated with the baking soda. I would start with about 3 cups and add more as you need it}

7. As you process the Fels Naptha Soap and baking soda just add each batch to the bucket with the rest of the ingredients. And don’t forget to add any baking soda left in the box!

8. Screw the lid on tight and shake, rattle and roll until everything is mixed well! This is a bit of a workout so you can skip the gym on detergent making days. Also, husbands are good detergent shakers.

9. Once the ingredients are all mixed, you are ready to transfer it to your pretty container! To avoid making a big mess, I recommend scooping it out with a large cup until there isn’t much left in the bucket. Then you can safely dump the rest of it into your container.

10. Enjoy!

You just need 1-2 Tbsp of detergent per load. Many people say to add it directly to the washing drum but I put mine in the dry detergent dispenser. If you used a box grater for the Fels Naptha Soap, you may want to add the detergent directly to the drum so that the larger pieces don’t get caught in your dispenser. I wash most of my loads with cold water and have no problems with this detergent dissolving. I also have an HE washer and have no problems using this detergent.

Also add about 1/4 or half depending on load size of vinegar to the softener bin to soften your clothes and take out some of those yucky smells.

The Hinkle Homestead

Our hope and prayer since moving to Vincennes is that we will be able to build a home on the Hinkle farm land, within spitting distance of Tony's parents, brother and sister's family.  I find so much peace in the country.  Now, we can get a little rowdy and crazy at times but the simple laughter and joy that happens on Hartley Road leaves my heart full and yearning to be there always.  I am grateful that we now live in Vincennes so we can go out to the farm whenever we want too. Just turning onto Main Street Road to head out to the farm puts me at ease. You should see the big cheesy grin on my face too because I always have the boys with me and they will scream at the top of their lungs for the entire 20 minute drive, "Tractor, Combine, Grain bin, Auger, Big Truck, Cows, Horse."  I think that it is safe to say that ALL members of the Hinkle family LOVE the farm.

Tony and I are excited because we think that we have finally found the house that we want to build.  It is simple, nothing fancy for us.  It isn't huge.  When we first started looking, I found homes that were much bigger but as time passed I thought more and more about what we needed verses what we wanted.  I need a home that is cozy and personal.  I need to be able to entertain our whole family in one space.  I need a fireplace, a front porch and an outside shower.  I don't want to spend all my free time cleaning some mammoth house or to have all this space that is filled with stuff that isn't important to us or has a purpose. Simple living is my personal goal and I think we may have found it with this home.  There will be a few tweaks made like adding a walkout basement and removing the fireplace from our room but overall this is it.  

For now, this is our dream and hopefully will become a reality sooner than later.  The big man upstairs holds the cards and we are doing everything we can down here to make our dream a reality.  I can't wait for the day that we can break ground and create our own Hinkle Homestead.