What I realize...

Last picture taken at Sassafras Court

One year, yes, I have been a city girl living the small town life for a year (well almost).  This time last year, I was packing up odds and ends, preparing my daughter for her last day of kindergarten, saying goodbyes and trying to embrace a new reality that I new little about.  I remember being so strong and put together on the outside (my brave front I like to call it).  Inside, I was one hot mess and I remember praying that I didn't want to fall apart in front of the world.  "Lord, let it be in the privacy of my own home where no one could see what a mess I really was." Well, I was close.  As the moving truck that was too small to fit all of our material items pulled away, I remember looking at Tony and in that ugly crying voice saying, "what are we going to do.  Not everything here will fit in our cars." And then I just rambled on and on and cried so hard that I about passed out.  The reality was that I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.  I didn't care about the stuff but it was what it represented.  My life was laying out, strewn across my front yard.  I created a wonderful career, started my family, had made wonderful friends...my life was wonderful and perfect and I was packing it up and putting it away to start all over.

Transitioning for me was hard, much harder than I ever thought it would.  The summer was long and lonely. I wasn't really living up to the storybook image of a farmer's wife.  I couldn't get it together to save my life. Boxes remained unpacked, meals unprepared, and living in the moment took on a totally new meaning for me.  Moments were all I could live for because if I looked at tomorrow, there was a good chance that that ugly cry would come back.  That mess of a girl who stood in the driveway was still there, fumbling her way through small  town southern Indiana.  I was stuck in a storm and I remember praying to God, please, "can I just see a rainbow or I would even just take a break.  I need something God because I am doubting why we are here.  What have I done?"

But you see, my kids were happy, so happy.  The joy on their faces of being out at the farm and spending time with family was amazing.

I have never seen Tony so happy and at peace in my life.  He was where he was suppose to be doing what God had intended him to do.  The only person with the problem was me and I needed to get over myself and dig in to this wonderful community.

So I did.  I joined MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and we found a wonderful church that has embraced all of us.  I found a routine with the kids and began meeting other moms. I explored our community and learned how many hidden treasures and gifts a small town can offer.

And here is what I realized...

1. Home is where you make it.  When you put God first and live for your family, then the rest of the world seems to fall into place.  The journey is scary but it will work out.
2. Rural King rocks! - I love just going in there and walking around with my free popcorn.  It has become my Target.  
3. Simpler IS better - when you take out the noise, distractions and all the bell and whistles, what you are left with is people.  I LOVE my family and I love that we have everyone over for game night.  I love sitting on my front porch rocking, watching the world go by.  I love spending hours at Gregg Park watching my boys play in the pea gravel and Emily conquering the monkey bars.  
4. I know people - yes, I know people in town now and  just about everywhere I go, I see a familiar face.  I stop and say hi.  I don't rush, I listen and it makes my heart sing.  I am not always thinking about my next "to do" item but just enjoying that moment.
5. I now know the names of more machinery and farm equipment than any women should ever know and I love how excited my kids get still seeing tractors, combines, and dump trucks.
6. My life is good.  I am happy and falling in love with this small town and the people who make up this special place.

It is hard to believe that a year has gone by.  What a big year it was?!  The funny thing is that I think next year will be even bigger.  Our beef business is growing, Tony is settling into his role as farmer, we are building our house and I am taking on some new roles both at home and in my community.  I can only imagine the stories that I will get to tell as we continue on this wonderful, crazy, unpredictable road known as my life story. I CAN guarantee that there will be dirt, farm equipment, crazy boys and silly girls involved.

And so it begins

Tony discing the soil back in the 80's.

Planting season is officially underway.  The tractors have been dusted off, planters cleaned up and repaired and off to the fields the guys go.  Well, if it was only that simple.  The guys were able to get about 80 of the almost 1000 acres planted a week and half ago before the rains set in.  I guess some is better than none, right?  It seems like that is how farming goes.  Weather mans says it is going to be nice, no rain for 5 days and the farmers hurry up and plant only to be interrupted by mother nature.  Our family farms mostly river bottoms that butt up to the White and Patoka rivers.  Spring rains often delay planting for us while we wait for the soil to dry up enough to get the tractors out to plant.  It is this fascinating game of red light/green light. I just pray that it is mostly a game of green light.  If you are planting corn, it really needs to be in the ground no later than the first week of June so that it will have time to grow and produce a good yield.  Beans (soy) can be planted as late as the first week of July or so and still provide a good crop.

Planting the Neil Place with corn this year.

The guys spend hours working on equipment making sure that it is ready when the weather and soil conditions are right.  I have learned that very little of their time is spent "farming."  Most of it is spent on fixing things that broke on their own or fixing things the guys broke doing something they maybe shouldn't have been doing with the piece of equipment. Hee!  Hee!

I was just thinking what a difference a year makes in our lives.  Part of me feels less anxious about the farming season because we are settled in Vincennes and have made great friends to keep us company during the long farm days.  Then there is part of me that is even more stressed and anxious because we will be building a house during this process and will be depending primarily on the income from this crop season for our family over the next year.  Less is more and that is what I have to continue to remind myself.  I know that God gives us everything we need.  When my feet hit the ground in morning, I have to remember that I have all that I need because I have Him who gives me strength to be the wife, mom, friend, sister and daughter that I need to be that day.